


Party girls don't get hurt.

by Shut_up_Heather3



Category: We Are The Tigers - Allen
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Child Neglect, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:21:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26845060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shut_up_Heather3/pseuds/Shut_up_Heather3
Summary: Farrah has always been a scared little girl.
Relationships: Annleigh & Farrah (We Are The Tigers), Farrah & Reese (We Are The Tigers)
Kudos: 8





	Party girls don't get hurt.

**Author's Note:**

> My first WATT work. Thank you a whole lot to @anythingbutwallflower for beta-reading it!!!!!

Farrah was scared.

For as long as she could remember, she was always afraid of something. It started small, with the space under her bed, too dark to see the monsters hidden underneath. Then it progressed- a fear of being forgotten, a little girl already invisible to her broken family, scared that someday she might disappear, and her parents would be too focused on their own anger to even notice.

It only got worse- the fear of breaking another home. Her new family was perfect, with happy smiles and soft voices, nothing like the one she was raised in. She was afraid that she would break these people too, that they would find out she was the reason for her parents divorce, and run away from her. She wouldn't blame them. She would get away from herself if she could too.

She was hopeless, but she found a way.

Not a way to make the terror disappear. No, that would be too easy. Instead, she found a way to replace that fear for hatred.

Farrah hated and hated and hated like it was the only emotion she could feel, and it worked. The loser girl stopped being weak. She stopped apologizing, stopped looking for other's approval. She was as free as she could be.

But everything came with a prize.

Farrah's transformation was not free. It came bottled up as bitter liquid.

Alcohol transformed her. It turned her "I'm sorry's" into "fuck you's".

_ Two beers. _

She didn't care. She would be the irresponsible Farrah everyone expected her to be. She was too lightheaded and  _ happy _ to worry about anything.

When she finally answered her phone - she definitely was not ignoring the calls until she was drunk enough to not wince at her step-sister’s angry voice - she purposely disregarded Annleigh’s concerns.

"Farrah! Where on earth are you!?"

"I don't know. Where are you?" 

"This isn't the time. We were supposed to leave ten minutes ago." 

"So leave ten minutes ago." It was so easy to be snarky when the fear was gone.

"We're on our way, where are you?" This time she almost recoiled at the annoyed voice. Almost.

"I really don't know…" she admitted. It seemed like the alcohol was leaving and shame was taking its place. Not by much, though - her voice was still bored. She needed to hang up before Annleigh could hear the cracks on her mask of indifference. "I'm gonna drop a pin. How do you drop a pin?"

She needed a drink. 

****

_ Three beers. _

She was unapologetically herself, or at least what alcohol made of her. She arrived where she knew she was not welcome at, but she would be the same Farrah that everyone knew and hated. She would be the bitch they expected her to be.

"I'm here. Let's cheer."

The others protesting against her presence didn't affect her, even when she heard someone (Kate? Chess? She was too intoxicated to recognize or care) begging Annleigh to take her home. Not even that hurt.

"Last time she came home drunk,  _ I _ got grounded for not watching her!"

Now that! That hurt. The reminder that her step-sister didn't care about her - that she was doing this because she was forced to. Farrah was a burden. The pain weighed on her conscience.

"I'm fine. You all are overreacting." She brought the bottle to her mouth. In a few minutes the pain would disappear again.

****

_ Three beers and four sips of pure vodka. _

She hated everything and everyone, and she was bold enough to yell it at the top of her lungs.

"I don't own her shit! Everyone saw her drop me. Or do you wanna watch again?"

It angered her that they didn't care.

"Chess said she tripped, so that's what happened."

_ Bullshit _ .

Farrah kept fighting- and of course they attacked her. They always did.

Yes, she drank sometimes but she never hurt anyone because of it. (It made her wonder if she were the one to drop Chess, would the others believe her too? Probably not.)

"Kick her off the team!"

"Only the school board can do that." Riley's voice sounded so tired, so done with all that shit.

Farrah was grateful for the alcohol in her system. She knew she would have been hurt without it - at the fact that somehow  _ she _ was the problem instead of Chess, that it sounded like Riley had tried to get rid of her, that every single one of them thought that she shouldn't be on the team. So, thank God for her drunken state, because at least she only felt anger. That goddamn anger was so much better than the hopelessness.

"She could have killed me!" Why didn't they care?! If Chess had dropped anyone else they would fucking care! She kept arguing- anything to make them feel the tiniest bit of her rage. She didn't even know what she was saying, but it got a reaction from Kate, so that was good.

"I said shut up!" She flinched at Kate's bark. Katelyn Fucking Dalton made her wince!

When the anger crumbled, it was time to drink once more. She took the bottle, ready to raise it to her mouth when she saw Annleight's disappointed stare.

"Thanks a lot!"

"What did I do!?" 

Of course she must have done something. Because it was always her fault.

She put the flask down before it could reach her lips.

*****

"I could have used your help!" Annleigh didn't even look back- why would she? To hear another half-assed apology? "I'm sorry." There it was. "I just thought…"

_ I just thought that if I got drunk enough and careless enough you would take care of me! I just thought that someone should care that I got a concussion last year! I just thought that if I was loud enough you'd finally pay attention to me! I just thought that if you noticed me you'd  _ **_love_ ** _ me! _

That was not what she said, though. "I didn't think…"

"Yeah, that's not new!"

"Can you put Clark away and look at me?"

_ Please, please, look at me. Prove me that I exist and that I'm here and that you see me _ .

"I need a second." Annleigh sounded so tired, like she had to take a deep breath every five seconds she dealt with Farrah.

"No, Annleigh, give me the phone." She tried to take the phone from her step-sister's hands, but it hit the ground and became another example of her messing up, of why she'd never earn Annleigh’s approval. "Shit… I-I'm sure it just needs a minute… put it in rice, maybe?" Her voice was shaking.

Did Annleight notice? Did Annleight  _ care _ ?

"Stop!" The older girl snatches the phone from her hands, and her anger is like a trigger to bring back Farrah's own.

"You weren't even supposed to have your phone! You broke the rule!"

When Annleight turned around she looked so, so mad. 

"You were not supposed to be drunk, Farrah! You were not supposed to be living in my house! I am not supposed to be wasting all my time babysitting a stupid child!"

Farrah had to pretend that it didn't hurt. Pretend that she didn't care. Hate her back. This was what she did well, wasn't it? Pretend and hate. She should hurt her back.

"I'm sorry…" Stupid alcohol leaving her system- making her weak and vulnerable again. Now she could only hope that Annleigh wouldn't let her crash. She was falling, and wished so desperately that her sister would catch her. All she could do now was give one leap of faith. "I wanna be a good sister."

_ Please, please, don't let me fall. _

"You are  _ not _ my sister."

_ Three beers. Four sips of pure vodka. Half a flask of whiskey. _

******

Throwing up was bad. Not because it burned, or because she'd end up smelling bad, or even because it was humiliating. No, throwing up was bad because it led to sobering up.

That was all Farrah was worrying about while holding the toilet bowl, as Reeses found her and awkwardly tried to leave. She was sobering up, and could feel the weakness and the tears inside waiting to come out. If she didn't stop throwing up that precious alcohol, and then drink some more, she wouldn't be able to keep herself together that night. 

"I-I think I should get Annleight." 

"She hates me."

_ Don't. Don't do this. Don't throw a pity party to the girl who didn't even want to be here. _

"I'm sure that's not true."

"Everyone hates me." At least this one she didn't say with as much sorrow in her voice. It was simply a fact. She didn't care. If they wanted to hate her, she would hate them back, no hard feelings.

At least this made Reeses stay. She stayed and they talked. She was kind of funny, which made Farrah wonder why the senior didn't have many friends. She was a very pleasant company. Talking to Reeses made the idea of being sober not so horrible after all. Until, of course, Farrah fucked up. She always fucked up.

"It's ok, Farrah, I don't expect  _ you _ " she made a vague hand gesture referring to Farrah's body, "to understand."

""Hey! Pretty people have problems too." She waited for Reeses to laugh, but turned around quickly when she saw her lowering her head through the mirror. 

_ Shit _ . 

"Oh, I didn't… oh, God that wasn't… Reeses-" 

"My name is Reese! Not 'Reeses'. I thought we would have grown out of that stupid nickname by now."

They have been calling her that since the beginning of the night- hell, they have been calling her that since second grade. Farrah should have known better.

"I'm sorry… I won't call you that again." At least that promise she kept.

"Well, I guess I better get back to the fun." Of course she would leave. Farrah couldn't blame her, really. Everyone left after she messed up- and damn, she always did.

"Hey, hey. Can you not tell anyone I'm in here? I didn't mean to get  _ so _ fucked up." She tried to say this lightly, laughing as if it were a joke, swallowing down her hurt feelings.

"Then why do you drink so much?"

_ Because it makes the pain go away. Because it makes myself go away. Because drinking makes it easier to pretend I don't care. Because I can numb myself. Because filling my body with liquor means that there's no space left for this burning hatred inside of me, so it has to come out. Because then my lashing in becomes lashing out. Because, for once, my bad emotions won’t be on me. _

"Cause everyone else does?" She said instead.

_ Close enough _ .

The disappointment in Reese's voice, in her eyes, the shaking of her head as she went away- it reminded her so much of Annleigh.

It was just a single vice to get her through the day.

She could pour the bottle out. She could be herself again- the hopeless loser girl that no one understood.

"This can't be my life." She whispered to herself.

She stared at her flask, then at the toilet bowl, and back at the alcohol in her hands.

She had climbed that mountain a million times before, but she could never reach the top. She didn't know how much more she could take.

But she would try once again. For her parents, for Annleigh, for the team… for herself. If she crashed and burned and lost her fight, then so be it.

As she poured the whiskey into the toilet bowl, she could hear footsteps approaching. Fucking Reese.

Great. At least they could scold her and be over with it sooner.

"Look, I'll be right there, ok? I-I just need a minute." She flushed it. She could do it. The bathroom door opened. "I'm sorry. I get it. I messed up."

Then she saw the knife and screamed for help, which, spoiler alert, didn’t work. At least she was too numb to feel any pain from the stabbing. She saw so much red.

It was funny. Farrah was always a scared girl. But, for the first time ever, she felt fear while drunk.

She wondered if anyone would miss her.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it. Please tell me what you think.  
> You can find me on tumblr @shut-up-heather-d.


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